she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize