Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
