Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
