weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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