i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
