i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
