...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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