Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
