so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
