# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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