the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
