the condom got lost in my hair
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
