I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
