these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
