I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize