I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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