When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
