I want to have your abortion
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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