I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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