There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
