grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
