As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
