i need an iv and a liver transplant
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
