Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
