I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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