and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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