nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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