Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
