His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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