I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
