Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
