You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
