I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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