I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
