My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
