the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize