My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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