we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
