Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
