we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize