wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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