I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
