Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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