Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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