dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
