Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
