I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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