Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
