I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
