Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
