Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
