Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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