Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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