This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
