You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
