So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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