you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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