whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize