I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
