if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
