My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
