Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
