he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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