similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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