i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
