No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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