I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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